Five
Ways to Spot the Wrong Guy...Even if he looks like the right one...
By Carmela Cattuti, author of
Between the Cracks
We are all looking for Mr. Right
when we should be searching for our life partner. There are many clichés such
as “he wasn't right for you” or “you'll find the right one,” as if we are
looking for the right pair of shoes to offset an outfit. Sadly, looking for a
partner is often equated with fashion. If we wear the “right dress” we will
automatically find “the right man.” We have to remind ourselves, we are not
looking for an accessory but an individual who is interested in developing a
partnership. Our powers of discernment are compromised when we seek someone who
looks like the man in our daydreams or wears a suit like our father. Our mind
tells us that he is the “right one,” but how do we know if he is the “wrong
one” even if our mind tells us he looks like someone our family and friends
would approve. Here are five ways to spot the wrong guy even if he looks like
the “right one.” These five guidelines can help us develop our powers of
discernment and make informed decisions about our choices. It is not
fool-proof, but using these guidelines will help in eliminating the guys that
are definitely to be avoided if we are seeking a life partner.
1- Develop Your Intuition and Practice Following it-
We are all comfortable following our mind, but this can often lead us into
trouble. We have mental pictures about how our man should look and act. If we
meet a man who reflects our mental pictures then we automatically think they
are “right” for us. If we have an uncomfortable feeling in our gut about
someone who looks and acts perfect, then we need to pay attention. Our
intuition is speaking to us about this individual and we need to honor it and
not listen to people who say “you two are perfect for one another.”
2- Pay Attention to His Behavior- As women, we love to
hear men complement our looks and achievements, but if his behavior is
inconsistent then we need to reconsider our choice. For example, if he cancels several dates at the last minute
because he has something else to do, then we need to move on. We need to pay
attention to body language, trust our interpretation, and not make excuses for
his behavior.
3- Avoids Uncomfortable Conversations- If “Mr. Right”
avoids conversations about our concerns in a relationship, such as money or
sex, then we need to check in with our intuition. If our date is consistently
not paying his share at a restaurant or activity then we need to open that
conversation. If we do not have a
mutually beneficial result then he is “Mr. Wrong.”
4- Self Centered- This is an easy way to spot “Mr.
Wrong.” If we are at a gathering and we meet a man who looks perfect and he is
talking about himself then cuts us off when we try to interject a comment or
express who we are then he may not be someone with whom we want to get
involved. Maybe we go on one date to confirm our intuition.
5- Mama's Boy (or immaturity-) He is the most
difficult to spot because we often find it charming if a man is devoted to his
mother. “If he is that considerate with his mother, then that's how he'll treat
me,” we think. In these cases, that is not how he will treat us. His mother
will come first and her approval is of primary importance, especially the
approval of the woman in his life. And, in the end, we will also try to please
her.
